Pass the time
by Jammy Jam Jam Jams
Summary: A B/S shipper story. Is Spike's passion for Buffy too strong to live for??
1. Pass the time

  
Why did it hurt so much? She didn't know. The room that she stood in felt cold. Was she cold?   
Her sharp, green eyes focused on the door. There was an escape out of this, but she couldn't go. She didn't want to go. She waited. She waited for him, but he never came...  
  
Spike was wondering where Buffy was. His usual night out was to watch her every move through her bedroom window, but she wasn't there to be watched.   
Depressed as ever, Spike walked back to his place. His steps were slow, but his heart was beating slower. Yes, he had a heart. He never really realised this until he fell in love with the Slayer. Surely, he should of known this sooner, because the Slayer was all Spike could see, but, no, not until now did Spike discover that he had a heart and a soul that could love.  
  
"I can feel someone out there" Dawn whispered to Buffy.   
"Who?" Buffy asked while she washed some dishes.  
"I'm not sure. I can just feel someone watching, but they're not watching me. It's you they're watching" Dawn replied and started to shudder, "I'm just imagining things again".  
Buffy took Dawn's reply quite seriously and started to feel insecure.  
"Dawn, go to bed, okay? I'll finish off down here. You've got school tomorrow, so go on" Buffy ordered and Dawn followed them and walked gradually up the stairs.   
As she reached the top one, Dawn turned to Buffy.  
"You know, Buffy. Everyday you sound more and more like mom. I love you and I know that mom's proud".  
Buffy could feel tears emerging, but she held them back and gulped them down as she watched her sister close her bedroom door.  
  
It was starting to hit Buffy too. She could feel someone watching her, but who was it? Was she just imagining things like Dawn or was Dawn right?  
Buffy opened the downstairs curtains and looked out, but she could see nothing, but she felt someone watching her every move very strongly.  
It was, obviously, Spike. He had come back. He couldn't sleep the night without seeing a glimpse of her, but now he had, so he put out the cigarette that he was smoking and started to walk back home.  
  
As Spike took a few steps forward, he heard an angry, familiar voice hover behind him.  
"What the hell do you think you're doing? I thought this obsession with me was over?" Buffy yelled and slapped Spike hard.  
"Ouch!" Spike cried sturdily and looked deep into the Slayer's eyes, "I didn't mean to disturb you. I just wanted to- I wanted to see you". It was hard for Spike to express himself, but he really did try to.  
"Oh. Well, you did disturb me and I don't want you seeing me! I HATE you, Spike! Don't you get it? We're enemies NOT friends!" Buffy screamed at him and Spike started to feel his heart breaking, but he continued to walk to stop himself from crying. He walked at a fast pace and he couldn't believe how short it took for him to get back to his place and he also couldn't believe how much he wanted to get rid of Buffy. This was BUFFY. The girl that Spike would die for, but he didn't want her following him for the simple fact that he couldn't face up to her anymore. He was too scared.  
"So? Are you going to stop it now? Stop this fascination over me?" Buffy questioned him. She was determined for him to say yes and he knew this, but he couldn't. How could he say yes to the girl that made his heart whole?  
"No" Spike replied meekly and lit up another cigarette. It was the only thing that could keep him steady.  
The smoke swirled around the ringlets in Buffy's hair and it almost hid her face as she spoke.  
"That's a disgusting habit," Buffy told him, but she wasn't referring to the smoking. She was referring to him liking her and Spike sussed this.  
"I'm sorry" Spike apologised and turned his back to her, "I'm ashamed and I'm sorry, but how am I suppose to stop these feelings? Tell me. How am I suppose to live a whole day without torturing myself for a glance of your beauty? You're nothing special, Buffy, but my heart says you are. I think you are." Spike told Buffy.  
Buffy stood surprised by what Spike had just said and listened to what more he had to say to her.  
"And now it's got to the point where I can't stop to destroy these feelings. Buffy, they're KILLING ME! They're bloody killing me! And I CAN'T stop them! Some days I just want to kill myself, because of- because of ... YOU!" His eyes started to bring out tears and Spike started to get furious. "I want to KILL YOU, because you're the damn Slayer! I'm a vampire and you're a vampire Slayer! That's the ironic thing in all of this, Buffy" Spike cried and he started to head for the door, "Now, if you can truly and honestly say that you can't love me or that you don't feel a thing for me then go, but if you think that you can then stay, but I don't want to know the answer" Spike whispered and went out of the door.  
  
"Now, if you can truly and honestly say that you can't love me or that you don't feel a thing for me then go, but if you think that you can then stay, but I don't want to know the answer". That sentence whirled around in Buffy's head and she was amazed at the power of Spike's passion for her.  
  
Go .. Stay .. Go ..   
  
Stay.   
  
And so she did. And now she was waiting for him to come back. She felt the same way as he did for her. She just never realised it until now.   
  
She was waiting. Was he going to come back? It had been a year. Was anyone worrying about her? Why wasn't anyone searching for her in the obvious place? Why wasn't she moving? There were too many questions that were in need of an answer, but Buffy kept one question in her head.  
Was he coming back?   
She was getting cold. She was dying, but she waited. Waited for the one man that she was suppose to be with.  
  
She waited.  
  
She stayed.   
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  



	2. The blank side

  
  
Yes, it had been a full year. It was a year today that Spike tormented Buffy with his last sentence.  
  
"Now, if you can truly and honestly say that you can't love me or that you don't feel a thing for me then go, but if you think that you can then stay, but I don't want to know the answer".  
  
That sentence changed Buffy's life.   
  
So, here she was. She was living a life of despair in her true loves home. All she did all day was wander around sadly waiting. She had made the decision herself and she was going to stick with it. Buffy was waiting for Spike, but was he really ever going to come back now?  
  
"Buffy?" a silent whisper questioned her. The voice sounded very curious at her presence.  
  
Buffy twisted around to see Spike. Her green eyes drowned in tears and her lips curved into a small smile.  
  
"Spike...." She whispered weakly, "You've come back".  
  
"What are you doing here?" Spike asked Buffy as he stepped inside his home. He felt different in it. It had been away for so long that he couldn't even remember where his bed was.  
  
"I waited" Buffy answered and her smile grew and her face glowed. Surely she had made the right decision to wait for Spike, right?  
  
Spike frowned. He was uncertain by what Buffy was talking about. To be honest with himself, he wasn't quite sure who Buffy was to him anymore. He remembered the way he felt about her, but he couldn't remember why exactly. His heart wasn't even pounding the fast way that it usually did when he was near her.   
  
"You waited for what?" he questioned her which made Buffy's happiness decrease.  
  
"You don't remember, do you?" Buffy spoke in dejection and she stepped closer to him.  
  
"No" Spike replied truthfully, "I don't remember what happened last year or why I fell in love with you" Spike told her and Buffy could feel sadness sweep across her face.  
  
This was Spike. Spike. The man who would die for Buffy. He was the man that would give away anything to just take a glance of her. He was the man that wanted only a crumb of her love for one day, but now, what was going on? He wasn't any of these men. He wasn't even fully Spike to Buffy anymore. She looked deep into his eyes, but she couldn't see what was wrong with him.  
  
"Spike.... Why are you acting like this?"   
  
Spike's eyebrows grimaced at her. He was unsure by what answer she wanted from him. It had been so long.... It had been so long, because Spike had locked himself away from his true love and now he didn't even connect with her anymore. He didn't understand. He didn't even know why he came back to his home, but he knew that there was a reason for it or else he wouldn't be where he was.  
  
"Spike?" Buffy whispered softly, "Spike?"   
  
Spike focused on Buffy properly now and he could see that she was fading away in his eyes. She wasn't clear to him anymore. What was going on? He was sure that something was wrong. He didn't even know why this girl wanted him so much when she never did before.  
  
"Stop it" Spike spoke quietly, "please...."  
  
Buffy couldn't believe that Spike wasn't interested in her anymore. She had waited this long for him and now he didn't even want her?  
  
"I love you" Buffy croaked out between her sobs.   
  
And that was what hit Spike.  
  
Love.  
  
He had forgotten about that word. He didn't link with that word for a long time, because he had given up all hope. He had wished that Buffy would love him, but with what happened last year, he thought his chances were truly over and that's why he left and he departed from love as well. Spike's recollections were all rushing back now and when he glanced at Buffy for the second time, he saw love. He saw love beaming right at him.  
  
"Buffy" he cried, "I've missed you" and Spike embraced Buffy. He hugged her for what seemed like forever, "I love you too" Spike continued to tell her.   
  
"Why didn't you come back?" Buffy managed to ask when Spike let his grasp loosen.  
  
Spike tried hard to remember and when he did, he told her.  
  
"I was afraid. I was afraid that you were going to go. Actually, I was certain that you were going to leave me"  
  
Buffy beamed at Spike.  
  
"You were wrong," she told him as she reached out for a kiss.  
  
THE END  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
